Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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