the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
sarcasm needs its own font
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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