I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
