i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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