Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
