i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
