Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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