im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
