a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
