how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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