someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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