my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
