I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
