So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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