Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
