that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
