Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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