Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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