The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
