I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
