You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
