so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
