God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
