i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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