I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
