Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
