trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
