i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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