She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
