Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
