dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
