A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
