Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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