U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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