This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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