So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
