you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
