she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
