it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
