The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
