I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
being pregnant is like rehab
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
