she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
