I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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