What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
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I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
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Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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