She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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