Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
