I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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