Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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