I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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