she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
