How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
