I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
