New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
