I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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