New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
