just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
