actually, I'm a sock model
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
