Are we in a gay sports bar?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
