saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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