quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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