why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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