She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
