I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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