My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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