I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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