no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is Oprah even human
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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